Garry Desmond was born at the very early age of 0. His life however started in tragedy, he was orphaned at just 3 months old when his parents mistook a bottle of wood varnish for wine. The autopsy on his parents revealed they died a horrible death but had a lovely finish.

After this Garry was brought up by a pack of wolves just outside Manchester until he got his first job at the age of 16 putting holes in donuts. Unfortunately this was not to become a long term carreer as dinky donuts went out of fashion.

One day while on the way to buy a copy of the Beano Garry was kidnapped by some long haired fella with a pair of tights on his head. Next thing he knew he was in Gran Canaria. After being fired from several local governement jobs for working too quickly he took up stand up for a living which he does to this day.

All the above is 100% true apart from the lies.

I can't believe you are reading this rubbish, I bet you're one of those sad people that reads the terms an conditions on a website aren't you? Tee hee!